in love with another man

Kila’s story….

Let me try to sum up to you in one word what I think about my man — he is wonderful! He’s patient, kind, considerate, romantic and generous. He tends to me and my needs as if I were his child, not his lover – and all my friends envy me because I have the man they can only have during the miniseries of their dreams.  There isnt anything that I would do intentionally to hurt him. Well, that is until I fell in in love with another man. You can stop looking at me like that ok! I realize that I sound really triflin’ right now but if you would just hear me out then you’ll understand how none of this could be avoided. I know what I just said may sound apalling but unfortunately, its the truth. I keep asking myself over and over again how I could do this to him when I know he loves me so much and would do anything for me. You know, a very interesting quote comes to mind in the midst of all this; “Passion makes the world go round, love just makes it a safer place.” But how safe am I really when my love makes me so reckless and my passions are leading me to destruction?

I suppose I should tell you how all this started. By trade, I am a photographer – a damn good one at that. I had just landed my first freelance gig doing some print advertising for a local company who was looking for everyday people to star in their ad campaign. I called up my girl and asked her to bring some friends by to help me out with my first real project. They understood that there would be no pay involved and they were down for helping me out.

The day finally came to do the photo shoot and I was hyped. I had plenty of good ideas to make the campaign a success and really hoped the pictures turned out well. Everyone arrived on time and we got right to work. My girlfriend brought along a guy friend of hers with her to participate in the shoot, which was cool. I mean, the more the merrier right? His name was as mysterious as he seemed to be….Adonis. He asked that we skip the formalities and that I should call him D.

D and the girls posed for the pictures that I needed and we all had an all around good time while we worked. We laughed and talked and I noticed him watching me as I worked, but initially, thought nothing of it. You ever met someone and thought that they would be a perfect fit for you if you didnt already have certain binding variables already embedded in your life? Well, thats exactly how I felt with D in the room while I was working; watching me and the way that I moved.

There was something about the way he stood there on those drapes waiting for me to take his picture. He seemed so sure of himself, so much in control. The way he stroked his face looked quite sexy and it was startling to me even then how atune I was to the little things about him. I walked up behind him to fix a wrinkle in his t-shirt and as soon as my hand touched his dark skin, there was an undeniable surge of energy that came from it. He knew that I felt it and glanced around at me. Too embarrassed to admit to that I indeed felt it, I walked back away from him to resume my pictures. I didnt know what it was about this man… but there was a chemistry present between us that was drawing me to him in a most primitive yet passionate way.

We wrapped up the shoot for the day and I made sure to let everyone know how appreciative I was of them helping me out. The next day I was back in my small studio, that doubled as a workspace, reviewing some photos when there was a knock on the door. When I answered, I found D on the other side of it who asked if he could come in. I obliged and we sat and talked for a while. He told me that he was an artist but paid his bills producing television. I definitely would have never guessed that about him. He said he landed at my place because he was out for a walk and decided to pop by. I appreciated the distraction and cherished the chance to got to get to know him better. Now, why I was so excited about a man I’d met once when I had the perfect man at home was beyond me. I didnt understand then but I see clearly now. It was the beginning of love.

After a while, I told him he should probably get going and he agreed, saying that I should probably get back to work. I walked to the dor to let him out and just as I was opening he put his hand on it and closed it gently. With my back to him, I turned around to see why hed done that. That’s when he met my confused gaze with a kiss. His lips covered mine in a way that allowed my body to have no other choice by to succomb. And that I did. I gave into him right there in my studio. Enthralled in passion and excitement and mystery… I gave in, all the while knowing that I was breaking my mans heart piece by piece as I selfishly lived out a fantasy.

That fantasy turned into love. D’s mystery and dominance captured my heart and everytime I was with my man I know he sensed something was wrong. I spent every minute I could wihout being questioned with D. He told me he loved me and I could honestly say that I loved him too. It was different from the love that I held with my man, but love none the less.

Months later, I told my man that I was going to my studio, when really, I was meeting D. I came to the realization that I had to tell my man what had happened. Somehow I fell out of love with the predictable and in love with the spontaneous. We pulled up to the place I shared with my man and D asked me if I needed him to come with me. I told him that this was something I had to alone, and in my own way. He was understanding, just like I knew he would be, and let me leave the car alone to face my man who knew I would be home any minute.

Gathering my composure, I walked in only to find a sea of lit candles flowing around the room and rose petals strewn beneath my feet. I didnt know he was planning such an elaborate evening and felt intensely horrible that the conversation I came there to have, wasnt one where I would confess my undying love for him. I asked him to sit down and said everything I needed to say. I told him I was sorry and that I never meant to hurt him. But isnt that what everyone says even when they know what theyve done was hurtful? I got up to leave, and he stopped me, wanting to know how I could do this. I didnt have an answer so I just went and packed a bag and told I had to go.

As I stood there with my bag, I took one last look at him and walked out. My emotions got the best of me and as soon as I got out the door, I fell to my knees crying. What did I just do? I mean, I dont know D like I knew my man. I knew he loved me and would treat me right. Did I just throw away a life full of happiness for the excitement of a new love that’s essentially unknown?

As I stand here with this bag, I have no clue what’s happening on the other side of that door or how bad I really hurt my man. Well… my ex-man. All I know is that D is waiting for me and I guess I must walk into what is now my future. Still I have no choice by to still ask, did I make a huge mistake….

Watch and see the whole story unfold…

Talk back: Have you ever been in a situation like the one described above? Do you think she was stupid? Smart? What would you have done?

‘Kila’s Story’ was written by Mignon Renee and inspired by the short film for the video ‘In love with another man’ by Jazmine Sullivan

Tagged as: fiction